Anger – the 2nd enemy of our soul among the six (Sadaripu) as per Hindu Mythology. However, I personally believe, it is nothing but a natural exposure of our emotion. Still, at times when your anger starts interrupting your normal daily life, it becomes necessary to learn how to control anger and bring your life back on track.
Is It Possible to Control Anger?
Yes, it is possible. But, the prime factor is right motivation and proper system as per the reason. Every person is unique on their own and thus there cannot be any ‘one size fits all’ type formula. Still, there are certain methods that can help you in the initial stage and as you get the benefit, other options will start getting visible to you.
When I should Plan to Control Anger?
As I said earlier, anger is a natural part of our emotions like love, sadness, anxiety and so on and thus it’s not alarming if you see your kid throw the toys when you turn off the TV or your husband gets furious when you ask him to take the breakfast when he is already late for office. But, if anger flares up every now and then, it’s probably time to study on how to control anger.
But, What Causes Anger? Is It Hereditary?
Well, there is no valid evidence that anger is carried-forward through gene; it’s yet to be proved. But, mostly excessive anger is an acquired behaviour, developed by some environmental or situational triggers.
There are moments when we naturally become angry as a spontaneous reaction and they are:
- Any threat or fear
- An attack (mainly physical)
- Feeling powerless or helpless
- Or getting treated unfairly
But, anger is considered as an ‘issue’ when it is triggered by some particular types of reasons and leaves long or permanent effect on behaviour. Some of those can be:
- growing up with short-tempered and ever-arguing parents/family members
- as a trick to hide some weakness or offensive work
- incapability to fulfil excessive desire
- a simpler alternative to attract attention
- or just to use anger an indicator of braveness
However, there are certain psychological conditions which may cause anger and destructive behaviour (possibly along with several other behavioural issues) and they are needed to be treated medically by some psychologists immediately. Anger management might be the secondary way of treatment for them.
People Say, One Shouldn’t Suppress Anger?
Well, anger is not something like pee that you have to let out. It’s a reaction against a situation and it completely depends upon how you take it.
Say, your daughter knocked the coffee out of the table. While you can be worried about if she burnt with the hot coffee, others may get furious just because of her inadvertence.
So, if you can learn how to control anger, you will have nothing to suppress, neither you have to worry about their ‘negative effects’, isn’t it?
I Have ‘Valid Logics’ Behind My Anger! Why Should I Control It?
That’s the point where we all fail to tame our anger. Every person has their own logic behind their anger and even the surrounding people start accepting (actually surrendering to avoid further calamity) their logic.
But, if we think in a cool mind and go little deeper, we can find a non-explosive alternative to handle most of those situations. It’s just your positive attitude that is stopping you from behaving politely – like a human being.
You never should forget the consequences of excessive anger:
- People start avoiding you and you get more isolated day by day making the situation even worse.
- It badly affects the environment around you and makes people depressed and pessimistic.
- It affects your kid’s growth drastically and they may even develop habit of lying, inobedience, intolerance, fear, bed-soiling and so on.
- It can make your kids introvert, addictive, and interrupts their personality development. They face problem facing people or cracking interviews in future.
- It increases you blood pressure and chances of heart diseases. Even your spouse may develop the same disorders for your anger.
- It affects your sleeping cycle leaving you more irritated. As further consequence, your work quality drops and your life satisfaction gets affected.
So, How to Control Anger Easily?
First of all, let me make it clear that anger controlling doesn’t mean suppressing anger. It’s the art of taking situations positively and dealing calmly, if not happily. It may sound too absurd to you at first; but, within few weeks you would get much accustomed to this and it would be your spontaneous behaviour.
So, follow the below mentioned tips and may be you get some useful and efficient ideas to control your temper as you go.
Do note that if your anger is violent or too abusive, it’s better to seek professional help. Once it is under control, you can take the following points to promote anger management.
Notice the Early Symptoms of Anger
The first step to master anger management process is to identify it as soon as your adrenalin starts flowing into your blood. Yes, it’s the prime ‘temper’ hormone that prepares your body and mind to have a burst.
- Your heart beats get accelerated
- Your breath gets faster and rapid
- Your muscles get tensed
- Your jaws get clenched
If you feel these symptoms, look for any option to get out of that place or situation. Distract yourself. Do what makes you relax. Think what worse can happen if you burst and think of the consequences. Desperately find some positive thoughts against your ‘logics’.
Give Yourself Some Time
The toughest thing is to overcome the first wave of adrenaline. Give yourself few moments and you can literally win half the battle. So, keep your jaws tight and take few deep breaths. Some experts suggest to count numbers silently and you can absorb the most cruel attack of this hormone.
Now, think if it is really necessary to burst out? Will it really give you some benefit, other than winning the situation? What losses you might have to face, if you stay calm or ignore it? These are the most vital questions that we mostly overlook during any anger attack.
Have a Clear Discussion
The reason of most of the day-to-day anger is either some issues in the office or at home or both. While you cannot always change the situation at office, why don’t you make your home little better place to refresh your mind?
It’s not too unexpected to have some arguments with your partner or kids or elders. But, if it’s a daily routine, take out some time, go on a weekend trip and have a clear discussion. Listen to all the objections and find out the root cause. Similarly, speak out what you don’t like of her and how want her to behave with you. Well, I don’t think you’ll ask her to behave like a slave, right?
If required, take help of expert counsellors and come to a mutual agreement. After all, the purpose of a family is to make your life better together.
What about your office? Yeah, it’s a big issue if your colleagues aren’t enough cooperative. Still, you can think on the reasons and try to solve through discussion. If not possible, might be you should think of changing your job or can even plan for a home based business. I never suggest working at the cost of health.
When the topic is how to control anger, there shouldn’t be any argument on the power of meditation. Still I kept it on the 4th point as I know people have very little faith on this and thus hardly any person likes to do it.
Actually, the problem is on the process. Meditation isn’t just sitting in Padmasana and chanting Om keeping the eyes closed. It’s far more complex than that and only an expert professional can show you the right procedure through physical visit. Don’t try to practice mediation following those YouTube videos – it can be fatal at times.
Listen to Light Songs & Increase Attachment with Family
Yes, it works! It helps like magic. You don’t need to search those ‘relaxing music’; any light song that you love is fine. Play it 30 minutes before you go to bed at very low volume and mute your mobile phone, turn off TV. Avoid any kind of distraction and spend time with your family members.
If possible go on a short trip with limited sightseeing. Spend most of the time together. Have some constructive discussions. Discuss your future plans and dreams and so forth. These titbits work a lot to forget all the clashes and normalise the relation.
As I said in my last post, how to get a fair skin naturally, these processes are slow; they won’t work overnight. You have to stay motivated for the sake of your own health as well as for your family. Problems are common part of every person’s life; but, it’s your skill how better you deal with them. Losing temper won’t make your situations better either. And I always suggest to go for a visit to any professional for a faster control on anger.
Don’t forget to share your feedback or any better idea. Have a happy life.